Fresh, Pearly, Pink...

Cast adrift as a Carnal Nation columnist, I have spent the last three weeks in a daze. Emotionally, the sudden news of the website's demise was a "wham, bam" without even a "thank you, M'am" at the end! There I was, approaching my one year writing anniversary in ignorant bliss - and then I wuz dumped - all us writers wuz dumped! - without even so much as a fare-ye-well text.

Well, panic will do that. And I suppose there was panic at the end over there at Carnal Nation. And I still continue to think fondly of those folks anyhow. But now I struggle to get my bearings back as a writer - switching from the imposed deadlines of the columnist to the self-imposed discipline of the blogger. Obviously, I'm still adjusting. The fact that I have no idea of my readership here - if any - also adds to my feelings of disorientation. (You all could help me with that one and follow this blog. I'd love it if you did!)

Still, I've gotta get my writing focus back where it belongs! And that focus is my continuing inquiry into human sexual behavior, with all of its fractal embroideries! And believe me, I've still been busy - I just haven't been organized about conveying what I've been doing!

One of my current projects is the creation of sex education "social stories" (pictures and few words) for a young man with autism. This has been a fascinating endeavor, and I hope the program ultimately works in teaching him a few things he needs to know about his own body and how to masturbate to orgasm. I'd like to do more of this work - it really speaks to me.

Also, I just completed a guest lecture and slide show, given to a Berkeley City College Health Ed class about a week ago. I presented "Sex: The Big Picture" to about sixty students. That was a blast.

I've been getting my BlogTalk Radio programs on the air too -struggling a bit with the production end of things, but still finding my way into internet "doing radio." This is something I've always wanted to do. You can find my show page at www.blogtalkradio.com/amymarshsexdr. Coming up, programs on erotic tattoos, hypnosis, and more.

I spent the weekend in Monterey a couple of weeks ago, participating in a group supervision session for my AASECT sex counselor certification. My supervisor, the amazing Stephen L. Braveman, MA, MFT, DST, collaborated with Dr. Stephanie Buehler to create a wonderfully rich learning environment for those of us in attendance. This weekend caused me to re-evaluate a few things that I thought would be a truism for me and how I approach my clinical sexology practice - and I feel far more courageous in a few areas that up until now have felt "taboo."

As I begin to reconnect these and other recent experiences with my writing, I'll think I'll begin to feel more grounded again. Now that I've picked myself up, dusted myself off, and started to look around for a new love, I mean, a new column - I can anticipate other, newer and more wonderful opportunities. In the meantime I'm also moved to enrich and renew my neglected relationship with this blog, which has taken on the name of my old Carnal Nation column.

About the title: "Fresh, Pearly, Pink" is a line from the wonderful Fauxnique/Silencefiction video. The voice track is made up of lipstick names, which have always fascinated me. I'm using this as a title for this column as it also suggests, quite nicely, glistening sexual organs as well as the happiness and hope of a new dawn. Or something to that effect!

Personal, Political, Perverted - Post Mortem

I spent one whole happy year at Carnal Nation, writing my weekly column, Love's Outer Limits. The sudden demise of that web magazine has left me reeling with shock and sorrow. I related strongly to its motto - "personal, political, perverted" - and consistently delivered columns that reflected this outlook. I wrote my 'lil heart out for CN, and loved every minute of it! One thing I loved is that there were other writers in there with me - including my oldest son, Asher Bauer, who wrote Transgression. This is his new blog Decadent Fop. I was proud to stand with all of them! As sex educators and sex writers, I felt we were a valiant bunch thumbing our noses at the absurdities and prejudices of this very strange epoch.

I loved having readers too, sometimes lots of them! The fact that they were out there, somewhere, was a great boon to me. I felt companionship, community, even though I didn't know most of them. And every now and then a colleague from the sex-positive community would shoot me some praise, and I'd be in heaven.

Does this sound like your classic lonely writer? It does, doesn't it? Well, I'm not ashamed - even as a sex columnist, I pretty much fit the stereotype.

So, I realize that before I can proceed with creating an individual forum and replicate my column on this blog, I have to "process" (as they say!) and let go.

All good things must come to an end, they say. But why must it always happen so soon? The life of Carnal Nation was brief but brilliant. I had hoped to be part of it for a long, long time. At this point, all I can do is take its motto to heart - "personal, political, perverted" and continue to deliver the message. Regularly.

But now I simply must mourn. To mark this one week anniversary (which feels like an eternity!) since I got the devastating news about Carnal Nation, I will simply write that I mourn its loss. Greatly. I would gladly write for someone else - and hope to do so in the near future - but there will never again be the same incedibly witty and perverse group of sex writers, editors and publishers gathered together "under one roof" as there were in Carnal Nation.

Next week, you'll get a full blown column again. But for this week, consider my column draped in black and weeping into its cups, a sobbing polyamorous widow missing everybody like hell.